Remaining authentic through our changing tides: my journey in photography.

A little over 12 years ago when I began sharing photos online, social media still felt like a local hangout spot, a place you shared with your friends and relatives splattered with a handful of faraway celebrities. I still remember the exciting feeling of slapping on a colorful filter, adding a caption (probably some line from one of my favorite Blink 182 songs, followed by a waterfall of hashtags that meant absolutely nothing to me) and pressing "share". A couple hours would pass and when I checked again most of my friends had liked and commented, making me feel seen and loved.

A decade later, I can't tell you how many times I've stopped myself from sharing something on Instagram from the fear of it getting lost in tidal waves of "content" and feeling like I failed, or the nagging feeling of not being interesting or "trendy" enough.

This got me thinking about why I even began taking photos in the first place.

Where exactly was this feeling born from?

Photo taken by Felix S., 2015

The day I decided to purchase that beloved Pentax K1000, it was very much thanks to the encouragement of Félix Salazar, a wonderful human, photographer and creative who had become one of the most influential people in my life by the time I was 17. Together, we explored the world of portraiture, searching each others faces and expressions, the way our bodies moved in front of the lens became a fascinating study of honesty and connection.

Left: Photo field trips with the Pentax and Felix's Nikon, 2014

Middle: A photo of a photo, by Felix, 2014

Right: Digital portraits of each other, 2015

I still remember the feeling of getting my film scans back, each time it felt like Christmas morning. Quickly learning from our mistakes (and the irreversible effects of humidity on film) we went through as many rolls as we could afford (which to be fair, weren't that many, but each one counted).

Some years later we would lose Felix, but his legacy, his inspiration and the way he would make everyone he met feel so seen would remain very much alive. So much of who I am as an artist is because he believed in me, and not a day goes by where he doesn't cross my mind.

Black and white film from a trip to Prusia, 2015

My first trip to NYC in 2015 opened my mind to a new world of possibilities: film was more easy accesible, expedited scans were done overnight and I didn't feel like I had broken bank every time I ran through a roll. I was overstimulated with new landscapes around every corner, surrounded by fascinating faces and I found myself blooming into a new version of myself. I didn't know it then, but this chapter of my life would refine my style and give me the confidence to pursue a creative career.

Self portrait in my Brooklyn bedroom - double exposure on film, 2017

Self portraits helped me heal my relationship with self. I struggled with my appearance through my teenage years and early twenties, and even though the mirror felt like an enemy, it was through this new found curiosity that I began to make peace with what I saw in those images. I was more than a face, more than a body, I was a moving, breathing, laughing, crying, cursing, smiling, human.

I was becoming a woman in front of my own eyes. Someone I admired.

To share who we are on social media with honesty is a challenge previous generations didn’t have to deal with, yet this reality has become a part of our lives and more and more every day we find ourselves pressured by the overwhelming amount of “content creators" and IG models who only share the pretty, the edited, the filtered.

Left: Sybil Terres, a dear friend in a botanical garden in Philadelphia.

Middle: Flowers floating on a bed of water.

Right: Dani Trigo walking through an underpass in Central Park.

All photos taken on 35mm film.

I didn't get my first digital camera until 2017, a Canon t7i that came with a kit lens, an SD card and its own bag. Looking back on it now, the feeling that arose at that moment was pretty unique: it felt like cruising on a highway on a brand new Ferrari after so many years of driving an old Land Cruiser through the mountains. I remember feeling its weight in my hands and turning it over and over again, nervously dreaming of the places this could take me. My Pentax quietly side eyed me from her place in my desk, curious as to how much of my time she would have to share with this new gadget.

Brianna Bell on film (left) and digital (right)

I still remember the first time I wrote down "Photographer" as my occupation, and the rush after landing my first paid photo gigs. I still hold so much love in my heart for those who believed in my vision without knowing who I was.